how time flies. it would be fathers' day on the day after tomorrow. and im already sixteen. not really sweet one though, because i am being tied down by Olevels. everything seems to be dead, boring. anyway, fathers' day is near, and my daddy warned me a few days back not to buy him anything. he said he doesnt lack of anything... well. i really hope so... i want to give him the best present by showing good results, but... it seems so near, yet far away. whenever i thought i can do it, the opposite always happens. so, getting good results would be out of the subject.

my daddy is always there for me. he supports me in whatever i do, and give me good advices. he would be the best dad you can ever find on the streets. he might not be a doctor, nor is he a lawyer, but at least he gave me something precious. he gave me love, and care, and a warm home.

he always gives me the best things. whatever i want, he would try his utmost to fulfill me. be it my 2 years craze over ENERGY, or a few months craze over PROJECT SUPERSTAR, or my recent craze over MILU BING and LOLLIPOP[which i still do now]. he still allows me to get crazy and stuffs. sometimes being unconsiderate, i would come home late at maybe 1 or 2 am. my daddy would still stay up for me. knowing that my mummy would be reprimanding me, he shielded me. and... he knows that my craze over idols would never last long. the longest i would go will be 2 years. but he still dug out money to let me attend concerts, and buy those albums and magazines etc. i have once asked him why does he allow me to spend so much of his money on those 'useless' things, he said he understand that teenagers at my age are mostly like that. so... thats why he allows me to do so. he really knows me well. i need all these 'useless' things for pleasure. and im thankful for that.

sometimes... his great sacrifice, be it money, time, or health... makes me feel guilty and regretful. that makes my love for him grow everyday...

that day, clara and me were talking about our parents. then i remembered once whereby i broke my dad's heart, completely. come to think of it at this age, i really felt regretful.

i was in primary school then. innocent, you can say, and stubborn. i was sick, and i didnt attend school. i wasnt able to get to the doctor, so i requested my daddy to write an excuse letter instead, which i would pass it to my form teacher the next day. after my daddy wrote it, i felt shameful. the letter was written in chinese. in a primary school level kid's mind, an excuse letter written in chinese was a disgrace. cos no one does that, right? everyone writes in ang moh...

i was really feeling shameful, i do not want to pass that chinese excuse letter to my form teacher. so... without thinking, i said some things, which broke my daddy's heart. i dont really remember what i said though, but i said something like:"now nobody write chinese liao lah daddy! why you write in chinese! stupid."

stupid would be the first word which i use to scold my daddy. oh well. just because my daddy is chinese educated, i despised him. now, thinking back, i understand that he really have problem dealing with those english words back then, leave alone write a letter. but, believe it or not, i despised my own, biological daddy, for not knowing how to write an english excuse letter. damn it. how could i have done that. after i scolded him, he still tried his very best, to ask around, just on how to write an english excuse letter, for his unfilial and unconsiderate daughter, who thinks a chinese excuse letter is a shame...

i hated myself for despising my own daddy. i hated myself for shouting such a mean word at him. one of my greatest regrets, would be this... i never intend to rake up this past in front of him. but through here, i want to tell my daddy, "I AM SORRY."

there's nothing i can get for him... i guess. i have found this song on net, which really touched me. here, i would like to dedicate it to my daddy... and, I LOVE YOU DADDY.

song title: 爸爸 辛苦了 ba ba xin ku le
artist: 和弦 r. chord

CLICK HERE TO LISTEN

寫一首歌
給親愛的爸爸
再過不久
父親節就要到啦

長抽的菸
最近少抽一點吧
我希望爸爸的身體
永遠健健康康

謝謝你一首扛起
我們整個家
賺的錢
省給我們花

在我的心中
你是最好的爸爸
我要快點長大
快點報答

*我要說
祝你父親節快樂
爸爸辛苦了
你看著我們
都長大了

祝你
父親節快樂
我好久沒說了
I love you my father
辛苦了

tan leekeat.
ellekay.
elle_kay0114@hotmail.com

Leekeat Tan |