smile, even if it's going to be a fake one.
because things will get better somehow.
because the sun still shines for you.
Thursday, June 16, 2011
^ 何維健 - 當我知道你們相愛
在街燈 下巧遇 我問候 妳回應 發現已不再眷戀著妳
當我知道你們相愛 有了開始有了未來 在我心裡放不下的也該釋懷 收拾好把它掩埋
當我知道你們相愛 我的心底泛起許多無奈 這時候我該有個專屬幸福 我會不停的等待 等待著未來
wasnt able to sleep last night so i went to fb and saw yujing shared this mv on her wall. this song is totally nice.
i have been reflecting a lot on myself. and what i can conclude is that: 我不是好人. learnt to reject and ignore and abandon. they seem to be getting more and more frequent. these were the things that i would hesitate more than thrice before doing so. but now, hmph.
what's worse, i'm starting to give attitude to my parents. and you wanna bet? it's definitely due to my previous job as a customer service officer. i'm bloody numb with sarcasm and reprimand.
take for example, weeks ago, i went up to my parents saying that i want to go malaysia for a meal or something with my colleagues. then they (esp. my daddy) flared, and my daddy started nagging and telling me scary stories that Singaporeans encountered. just 1 simple question, "daddy, mummy, 我要跟朋友去 Malaysia 走走可以嗎?" and i get like 20 over statements from him, so i just replied "okay" and went back to my room.
recently isn't there a case whereby 2 Singaporean ladies were humiliated during their trip to JB? my daddy got home with that piece of news on the front page of the newspaper. when he saw me on the sofa, he sat down beside me and asked for my mummy's attention (take note: not mine). "MUMMY, 你聽你聽. (followed by reading the headlines out loud)" then he continued to read out every main parts of the story, while i was wondering did he highlight them with his highlighter while he was in the office. i know my daddy was targeting at me 'cos my mummy didnt say that she wanted to go to malaysia in the first place. and he was still reading them when my mummy left the living room, like if he was really reading the article to my mummy, shouldnt he follow her to the kitchen or stop reading it until she is back or something? but he didnt, he stayed beside me. his sarcasm totally made me mad. i kept quiet throughout. when i know he wasnt planning to end it, i went to the kitchen. and my daddy stood up and walked to the balcony to continue, facing me. WTF TOTALLY. i shouted said out loud:"我又沒有說要去了," and stomped back to my room, almost thinking if i should just skip my dinner, because i was fucking extremely mad. but of course, my hunger killed the idea. when i got back to the kitchen, my daddy actually said:"跟你開玩笑而已, 這樣生氣做什麼. 你知不知道現在我跟你講話我自己都會怕."
the first thing that popped into my head was what have i done. the previous leekeat would have just kept quiet, no matter how angry she was. but now she actually shouted back at daddy? i swear this is one of the very few times i have actually talked back at my parents. i was on the brink of tears already, but i just walked away. throughout dinner, i focused on the TV and making nonsensical comments on the plot of the tv drama, trying to be myself. but you have no idea how sad i was. no doubt i still think that my daddy was in the wrong for being sarcastic with me in the first place, but i shouldnt have talked back. he is facing enough stress at work from the youngsters who think that he is an old-for-nothing already, and yet here i am, talking back at him for his sarcasm that was due to his care & love for me.
in conclusion, i have changed for the worse. 我不是好人.
wasnt able to sleep last night so i went to fb and saw yujing shared this mv on her wall. this song is totally nice.
i have been reflecting a lot on myself. and what i can conclude is that: 我不是好人. learnt to reject and ignore and abandon. they seem to be getting more and more frequent. these were the things that i would hesitate more than thrice before doing so. but now, hmph.
what's worse, i'm starting to give attitude to my parents. and you wanna bet? it's definitely due to my previous job as a customer service officer. i'm bloody numb with sarcasm and reprimand.
take for example, weeks ago, i went up to my parents saying that i want to go malaysia for a meal or something with my colleagues. then they (esp. my daddy) flared, and my daddy started nagging and telling me scary stories that Singaporeans encountered. just 1 simple question, "daddy, mummy, 我要跟朋友去 Malaysia 走走可以嗎?" and i get like 20 over statements from him, so i just replied "okay" and went back to my room.
recently isn't there a case whereby 2 Singaporean ladies were humiliated during their trip to JB? my daddy got home with that piece of news on the front page of the newspaper. when he saw me on the sofa, he sat down beside me and asked for my mummy's attention (take note: not mine). "MUMMY, 你聽你聽. (followed by reading the headlines out loud)" then he continued to read out every main parts of the story, while i was wondering did he highlight them with his highlighter while he was in the office. i know my daddy was targeting at me 'cos my mummy didnt say that she wanted to go to malaysia in the first place. and he was still reading them when my mummy left the living room, like if he was really reading the article to my mummy, shouldnt he follow her to the kitchen or stop reading it until she is back or something? but he didnt, he stayed beside me. his sarcasm totally made me mad. i kept quiet throughout. when i know he wasnt planning to end it, i went to the kitchen. and my daddy stood up and walked to the balcony to continue, facing me. WTF TOTALLY. i shouted said out loud:"我又沒有說要去了," and stomped back to my room, almost thinking if i should just skip my dinner, because i was fucking extremely mad. but of course, my hunger killed the idea. when i got back to the kitchen, my daddy actually said:"跟你開玩笑而已, 這樣生氣做什麼. 你知不知道現在我跟你講話我自己都會怕."
the first thing that popped into my head was what have i done. the previous leekeat would have just kept quiet, no matter how angry she was. but now she actually shouted back at daddy? i swear this is one of the very few times i have actually talked back at my parents. i was on the brink of tears already, but i just walked away. throughout dinner, i focused on the TV and making nonsensical comments on the plot of the tv drama, trying to be myself. but you have no idea how sad i was. no doubt i still think that my daddy was in the wrong for being sarcastic with me in the first place, but i shouldnt have talked back. he is facing enough stress at work from the youngsters who think that he is an old-for-nothing already, and yet here i am, talking back at him for his sarcasm that was due to his care & love for me.
in conclusion, i have changed for the worse. 我不是好人.
