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smile, even if it's going to be a fake one.
because things will get better somehow.
because the sun still shines for you.
Tuesday, July 20, 2010
^ copyright luminaura deviantart

it just hurts so much knowing that you are still at the bottom even after putting in so much effort. guess im not improving afterall, and i wont be able to improve in time for As.
it's time to start planning - on where to go after jc. should i fly to America? get some piercings maybe, dye my hair bright orange, go clubbing every night, and smoke. *shrugs*

what can i really say. im seriously scared. but nothing seems to be working. or maybe my karma is running low. or or or, karma doesnt play a part at all. i should transform myself into a bad person soon. you think?

i guess not. HAHA. dont worry. i wont 想不开. i just thought i would have been happier if... oh well. no point talking about it anymore. everyone is facing it, i am too, trying once again.

but do you know how hurtful it is when i break the news to my parents? and i got pissed (plus a little rude) when mummy asked:"为什么会这样!?" come on, i want the answer too. i have tried umpteen ways but i never fail to fail. so stop replying me like that. it just hurts so so so so so much. i must be such an asshole, such a disappointment, such a disgrace.
im just.............. so sorry.

im scared. okay, how many times am i going to repeat it? but seriously, who understands? try retaining, with that painful memory carved in your mind.

kkay, am feeling better now after crying. i was feeling pretty low this afternoon, but i just couldnt let my tears out. not that i dont want to, i cant. i thought i was immuned to low grades. and i seriously had the urge to squeeze some tears out, together with my eyeballs if possible.
[thank you huipin for the hug. i appeared calm when you approached. but your hug really meant alot.]

i swear i would be happier if im a dimwit.
i dont want knowledge, i dont want disappointments, i dont want pressure, i dont want to fake a smile, i dont want reality blah blah blahs.
BECAUSE THEY STING, THEY REALLY STING. WTF.

anyway anyway anyway, on a side note, SHINee's LUCIFER IS LOVE.
besides the haunting memory of my grades in 2008, LUCIFER is all i think about now.
yes, not even my dream wedding, not even "OASIS" is helping...