my spirit is kind of low right now.

was watching 团圆饭 earlier on with my dad.
and we saw how that MR.算了算了 and MRS.啤酒妹 were being stepped upon/bullied/看衰-ed by those youngsters...

then my dad started telling me how he was being treated a few years back in the same manner.
despite being the senior manager,
he was struggling through a difficult time in the office when all the juniors whom he once assisted and lent a hand betrayed him, disliked him, sabo-ed him.
my dad had even helped a number of them promote to assistant managers,
and after the promotion,
they 翻脸不认人.
he told me how 痛心 he was back then...

"这段时间, 我真得很难过."
"没有办法, 时代变了. 年轻人就是看不起我们老人家."
"这个就叫做中年危机."
"压力..."
"那些人hor, 都叫我们 old wood."
"是这样的, 因为如果我们不走, 他们没有办法升职 mah."
"我了解, 可是我还有一个女儿一个儿子要养leh! 开玩笑... 我就是死都不要走."

then he told me how my mum consoled him by saying:
"你忍一忍. 再过个五六年, 女儿长大开始赚钱, 你就可以轻松了."

then in my heart,
there was an OS:
"f***. im gonna make my dad suffer for one more year cos of me retaining."

so i was like forcing back my tears and asked my dad:
"but daddy, 我retain一年, 你怎么办..."

then he told me that he was considered well already as compared to others who studied in 华校s.
and after which,
he gave me a smile,
assuring me that he is all right.
i have got this feeling that he was trying to comfort me,
and not putting pressure on me.
but i really felt guilty for retaining!

then i continued to hear him let out more of his troubles...
he told me about 7 fresh graduates who was being 提拔-ed by him ganged up and made things difficult for him in the office.
and one guy,
who was a 'yaya papaya' created more trouble for him when he was under my dad's 'surveillance'.
all that my dad had went through break my heart so much.

now too,
that my mum's going to end her business since its going downhill,
i felt worse for retaining.
i could have let my parents live better lives earlier if not for my retain.
what the heck.

for all these years,
my dad has never blown his temper on me unnecessarily,
or on my family members rather.
despite all that he has been going through...

sorry for my sudden breakdown.
i feel ashamed.

thanks daddy,
thanks mummy.

tan leekeat.
ellekay.
elle_kay0114@hotmail.com

Leekeat Tan |